She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
