I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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