I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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