Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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