..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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