I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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