Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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