i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
