What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
