whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
