Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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