Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
