Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
