there was a trapeze. enough said
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
