What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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