I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
