im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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