Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
