I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
