I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
