Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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