What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
