Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
