So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh god the rape fog is back!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I touched a dick in church today
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
