I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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