my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
