I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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