someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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