hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
