My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Your penis caused this!
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