Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
