we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize