and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just gargled with NyQuil
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize