Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
