Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
