if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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