Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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