you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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