just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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