He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Are we still banned from the library?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
