I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
