You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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