I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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