New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
