You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
