first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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