i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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