last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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