yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
