Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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