dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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