Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
