hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
