Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
