i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
