i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
