he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
