fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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