he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
