Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
