well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
