What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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