I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
