Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
