I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
