i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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