Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
