I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
