Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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