So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
