Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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