How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
