3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
