I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize