i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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