Christians are straight up FREAKS
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
