I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize