Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
