Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
