i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
