We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
