I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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